I eventually reverse prank called my drunk friends in Texas. The theme was to be as unentertaining as possible. My tactic was an enriching in-depth monotone monologue concerning the different aspects of the internal components of a starter motor on an ‘ 89 Honda Civic with approximately 121,594 miles. It was wildly fascinating bellowing on and on about everything from the brushes and the bushing houses right down to the armature and commutator. As I was moving right along into the spiral splines, pinion stop, and overrunning clutch, I was humiliatingly defeated by a devious trick on their parts by perpetually passing the phone amongst each other and mumbling incoherently something about how much they “missed me” and “loved me”. The only thing I could come up with as a riposte (I have no idea if I used that word right) was to denounce their existences on the face of the planet and the animosity-charged suggestion that they all “go fuck themselves”. Hurt and ashamed, I slammed the phone down (figuratively) and curled myself in a corner of the room with my tail between my legs, (both also figuratively) and smoked five cigarettes in a row.
Although I feel a huge blow to my ego at the end of this, I am still slightly glowing at the petty level of success achieved seeing as how they have to as yet called me back and the amazing recounting of such an unexciting incident chock full of extraneous adjectives and big words half of which I’m not even really sure if I’ve used correctly.
So, my pride still remains smugly sitting aplomb upon my weary reputation yadda yadda yadda Western medicine yadda yadda smoke some more cigarettes yadda the light saturated prisms of outward reflection in the end are really reflecting only the opaque black thus being said are within itself, constantly immortal. BIGTIME YADDA!
P.S. the definition of congenital is “existing at or dating from birth” despite what you may’ve thought previously such and so on, . . .
