Wednesday, June 24, 2009
I Don’t Remember the Fucking Stork!!!!
So, I was having sex with my girlfriend the other day, and I just realized that I completely forgot what it was that I was planning to get her for her birthday. I remembered the date at least. I felt pretty good about that.
So, I momentarily ceased the humping and inquired. It was something good. I was sure of that. Something ingenious. Something that I had thought of myself even, A great, well thought out gift, but besides that, I couldn’t recollect what it was.
“Oh my God! You don’t remember what it was? We were just talking about it last night!”
“Yeah, I remember that we were talking about it, I just don’t remember what it was, . . . hmmm, . . . let me think, . . . hmmm.”
“You were going to take me somewhere, . . . somewhere special, . . . ” she was staring at me expectantly, knowing that such a moment could not escape the dizzy fog that surrounds me. She was wrong.
But, I had some clues. I knew that it was some place in California. I have an aversion to leaving this state unless to go visit Mexico or Oregon, or back home to Texas. Maybe Louisianna if I happen to be in a good mood that day.
i was sure it was California. “Catalina Island?”
“Wow, i can’t believe it. You really don’t remember. Catalina Island is close though.”
“It’s close?!? Long Beach? Is it Long Beach? I don’t know.”
“You don’t remember?”
“I remember some things. I shot up enough pharmacuetical drugs to kill a medium sized family. I drank 24 beers. I remember some stuff.”
The situation quickly got worse and worse. The erection vanished, and I began to reflect on a similar situation with Suzy. We were walking this bratty, fluffy black dog around Lake Merritt in Oakland. Loock, I believe his name was. Fuck, I don’t remember that either! Well, whatever. It sucked no matter what the dog’s name was.
“You remember that time we were here, and you were drinking your beer – ”
“Wait, hold on.” I interrupted. “My beer? You were drinking beer too. We always drink beer at Lake Merritt.”
“Yeah, OK, well, whatever. We saw a lot of different birds that day. We even saw a stork. It was so meaningful to me.”
“We saw a stork? Wow, . . . ” My mind churned and churned over this thought. I could not believe it. A stork? That’s the name of a bird? It’s a bird that fucked married women in the fifties and brought her babies covered in diarreah. But, besides that, I could not even imagine what it looked like. I knew it has a big mouth to fit the shit stained shit machines within its gullet.
Oh my god, it’s so fucking annoying, the ads i recieve over MySpace because of my gay status. There’s this white guy fucking with a basketball on a webcam this whole time.
“You don’t remember the stork?”
“There was a stork?”
“You don’t remember?”
“No, I don’t, interesting. What did it look like? Did it have a big beak?”
“You don’t remember?”
‘No, I don’t remember the stork.”
“Are you sure? How could you not remember it?”
“I just don’t. I can’t even imagine what one would look like.”
“Wait, let me get this straight. You don’t remember the stork.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Tomatoes!, we saw a stork! It was beautiful! It was monumental!”
“Hmmmm, . . . ” I scratched my chin in a futile attempt at unraveling the foggy haze that covers my life. “No, can’t say that I do. I bet it was amazing though.”
“You don’t remember the stork? How could you not?”
“i don’t remember the stork, all right!?! I don’t remember the fucking stork! Fuck that stork! That stork can kiss my ass for all I’m concerned!”
“I just can’t believe you don’t remember it, . . . ” She trailed off mumbling something.
I looked over and saw the hurt look in her eyes. “Oh yeah, now that I think about it harder, . . . hmmm Yes! Yes! Yes!, I think i do. It had a big ol’ mouth!”
We went back to the Huffin House and engaged in some such said other dispute in which I was ejected from the warehouse and made to roam the streets of downtown Oakland although my plane wasn’t to leave for four hours.
Encumbered with numerous bags, I eventually found refuge in a Church’s Chicken where I bought a crazy indigenous person two fried chicken body parts and a soda. I think there was a biscuit included.
Oh yeah! like that date when I was twenty years old, and I took her to a dollar movie theater. What was it? Spice World or something. I don’t remember because we were imbibing malt liquor and making out the whole time.
Afterwards,I took her to Church’s Chickens, and then we proceeded to fuck each other on a twin sized bed in my mom’s house. We were rudely interrupted various times, by guess who? , . . . my mother. I ejaculated on a pillowcase I’m sure as is my nature.
So, I’m taking her to Monterey Aquarium. It quickly comes back to me now. I’m shuddering at the though of any storks being present.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
don’t be concerned
So, I was hanging out with my girlfriend. I got off work, put two xanaxes underneath my tongue, did a shot of morphine, and proceeded to chug Steel Reserve and chainsmoke cigarettes. I don’t know what the fucking hell was going on. I hadn’t gotten much more than three hours of sleep in the past week.
“So, how was the beach yesterday?”
“This is making me really concerned, Tomatoes. I never went to the beach. I went to my uncle’s funeral.”
“Why did they have his funeral at the beach?”
“They didn’t. It was at the graveyard. What’s wrong with you?”
“I think they didn’t give us back our deposit at the hotel we stayed at out by the Salton Sea.”
“We never went there.”
“No, yes, we did, there were floursecent lights. I made sweet love to you on a gross bed.”
“I’m growing concerned with you.”
“How was the beach the other day?”
“I haven’t been to the beach in years.”
“Didn’t your aunt have her ovaries taken out?”
“Yeah, that’s where I was yesterday while you were at work.”
“Fucking god damn Xa bullshit steering knuckle blot nut camber bullshit.”
“Tomatoes?, . . . ”
“Yes?, . . . ”
“How old are you?”
“34.”
“You’re not. You’re 32.” I had no idea.
Suffice it to say, I am no longer with girlfriend.
So, if anybody wants to fuck me, give me a call 323gofag15. female only.
