Gee whiz I’ve been so god damn it fucking busy that I haven’t been able to do a blog entry for awhile and I’m not quite sure what it’s going to be about, but there’s this dream that I had a few days ago that had a big effect on me. You see, I’m writing a book a s I may’ve already mentioned, and I think it’s real important to be a little fucked in the head to make for interesting writing because as i see it, nobody wants to read about rainbows and teddy bears and such shit as that, so I intentionally put myself in a really deep pit of despair. i feel like a fucking teenager for gosh sakes. Complete with self-mutilation and sitting in dark rooms for long periods of time. So anyway, as to the dream that I had, it was straight out of horror movie, zombies, demons, ghosts; and that’s exactly what has me concerned, . . . or rather i should say pleased with my current state of mind, since that’s precisely what I was aiming for and i think I’ve done a nice job engraining myself with that mentality straight into my subconscious. Oh, I’m so fucked in the head, and i only hope to become more fucked. So, this dream that i had: it took place in my granma’s house: you remember the one that i was talking about in the previous blog? well, it was that house. the one where most of my dreams take place; and I was with Starlette, my ex-girlfriend and we were in the bedroom where I used to sleep when I was a little kid, but it was our bedroom, and we were sniffing coke, and my mom was there in the house, and she knew that we were doing drugs, and she was banging on the door and she told us we had to leave, and Starlette got so pissed at me, she was yelling at me, “Oh, Fuck Tomatoes! Why in the fuck do you always get us kicked out of everywhere that we go?!?!?! What in the fuck is wrong with you that you always have to do this to us?!?!” And she got so pissed off that she turned into a demon. She was foaming at the mouth. Her eyes glassed over. Maybe I’ve watched too many horror movies I don’t know. But, then all of a sudden in the dream, there were monsters all over the house. Creeping all around: up and down the halls. Suddenly, there was no life; only death; and everything went berzerk; I was the only living thing in that house, and all the other dead things wanted me to be with them. I ran out of the room; down the hall to my grandparents bedroom; the same room where both of them died, but 5 years apart. I ran into their bedroom seeking solace, but they weren’t there. obviously not, and that’s when I remembered that they’re dead. But, they weren’t around anymore. They were gone; content to be dead; with no urges to torment the living unlike these other ghouls in the house that were coming after me. I became very alarmed in this dream; I wasn’t quite sure what it was that they wanted to do with me. I was assuming that maybe they wanted me to be like them, dead, unsatisfied; perpetually discontent and roaming; never sleeping; and then I looked at the bed and there was a demon laying there; and it was in fact,sleeping; and I couldn’t figure out for the life of me; why in the hell it could be asleep. It was snoring. It seemed like a female demon. It was laying there on that bed. The same bed that both of my grandparents died on, and it seemed so peaceful, but so evil at the same time. And that’s when I decided to call the police. i know, that seems so pussy, huh? Even in my dreams, when scared enough, I wanna call the cops on ghosts in my dreams. What in the fuck is wrong with me? And then I ran into the back yard, and I ran to that tree that I used to climb up when I was a little kid, and I climbed up it once more. I was running as much from the demons as much as from the police that I had just called. I kept climbing higher and higher and the branches kept getting thinner and thinner and they seemed like they were gonna break. And I looked down to the ground; backyard of my grandparents house and it was swarming with ghosts and with miscellaneous dead creatures that were coming to get me, and then, get this, this the comical part; the cops came, the came swarming into the backyard, but they were coming to get me. Apparently, they couldn’t see the ghosts. They walked right throught the crowd; straight up to the tree. They were coming to get me! I kept on climbing higher and higher. And then suddenly, there was bees everywhere, but those bees, they weren’t coming to get me, they were getting at these tree roaches. You see, when i used to climb that tree when I was younger, it used to always be infested with tree roaches. If you’ve never seen those, then consider yourself lucky. They’re horrifying looking. They’re all prehistoric and shit. A tree roach is a huge cockaroach; maybe about 2 to 3 inches long and gruesome looking. I wonder what goes through their heads. you know, we easily could’ve been born as tree roaches. But instead we’re humans; or I’m just assuming that you are because you’re reading this. So, anyways, back to this dream: these huge bees were attacking all of the tree roaches, but totally ignoring me. The cops, well, the cops didn’t know how to get to me through all of the roaches and bees. It was some scary shit let me tell you. But, the point of all of this, is that when i woke up, I was deeply disturbed. deeply disturbed and satisfied satisfied that i was disturbed
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